How Long Does Therapy Take?

 A common (mis)conception about therapy is that you see a therapist for a specific issue, get help with said issue and then no longer need to see a therapist. Within this framework, people wonder how long therapy will take in general, hoping to get a specific answer regarding the timeline.

It goes something like this:

'My relationships are unfulfilling. I am going to try seeing a therapist about this. She’ll help me sort it out in 6, 8 sessions, tops.

…Two years quickly go by...

Should I be concerned that something is ‘wrong’ with me and that I don’t feel even remotely complete with my therapy journey, even this far into it?

Is it possible that I have been seeing my therapist for too long?'

When we see therapy as a place to get quick, behaviorally minded strategies to help us improve in the short-term, it can often be finished in a quarter or half a year’s time. Skills like breath-work and mindfulness come to mind.

However, my style of therapy, widely utilized in society today, offers a much broader (and simultaneously deeper) approach. Within this methodology, it’s more helpful to think of therapy as hiring a healing guide. Your therapist will journey with you as you traipse through life, noticing possible pitfalls, danger areas and paths to pursue. There’s no singular destination in mind. Rather, there are multiple desirable outcomes: rough spots to smooth, areas that need tending. 

Imagine it as having a stand-in mother or father, sister or brother. Therapists in this type of modality act, in sorts, as a benevolent family member, an ancestor come alive cheering you on, ushering you forward. 

Now, when someone remarks, aren’t you ever going to be done with therapy?

Your answer can be simple: when I’ve gleaned all I can from this specific person in learning to love and respect myself and others more fully, my time with this guide can close. 

OR

When I believe wholeheartedly that I’m worthy of love and kindness, no matter my behavior, therapy will be ‘complete’.

Can’t you see? Even then, closing the chapter on therapy is never a locked door by any means, and often simply it can be to find another guide who knows more in a different area. 

I’ve had my individual therapist in my life for over a decade now. Our first session was in my first year of marriage (we will celebrate 13 years at the end of this year). I see her less than ever these days, but think of her words often (maybe even every week). It's taken time, but now I can say that I have deeply internalized her messages of kindness, courage and belief. I’m kinder to myself and others than I’ve ever been. Do I still have a long way to go? A guttural yes. Do I still keep the possibility of scheduling with her open? Also yes.

Why? Because having a benevolent stand-in grandmother is something I’ll never be finished needing. Why would I want to put a stop to that?

I say often that ideally my job would go out of business. Ideally, our friends and families would be more than sufficient in healing their roles in our lives. 

But until that’s true, relationships with therapists endure. Maybe now, the next time someone asks you, 'how long does therapy take?" you'll have an answer.